Rapper Who Is Very Concerned With Password Security

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This poor guy is learning a lot of valuable lessons the hard way in a very short period of time.

Dual Core : 0x0A Hack Commandments

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Wow, it's been a long time since I listened to one of these. Lots of good advice in this song. You should consider listening a few times (and shutting the actual F up while you do).

Tainted Leaks

This little gem was posted as a comment on Schneier's blog by someone using the fairly appropriate pseudonym "Soft Sell".

Here's the plain text version (as opposed to the image above).

Tainted Leaks

Sometimes my brain has got a
zero day I've got to
Hack away
at the lies that you drive into the heart of me
The data that you share
you pulled from your derriere
Now I've lost my light
For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

Once I trusted you
Now I'll run from you
These tainted leaks you've given
Were all the FUD that Putin could give us
Took my tears and that's not nearly all
Ooooooh tainted leaks
Tainted leaks

Now I know I got to
Hack back I've got to
Honey pot
You must really want all the data I've got
To make things right
I'll get Assange to hold it tight
So you'll know love is to prey
Now its my turn to launch the zero day!

Once I trusted you
Now I'll run from you
These tainted leaks you've given
Were all the FUD that Putin could give us

Ooooh tainted leaks
Tainted leaks

 If you don't recognize it, it's meant to be a parody of this song by Soft Cell from the 80's.


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TSA Screener

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I'm not sure if this is a parody of an existing song or an original work, but it highlights some of the worst things about the TSA in the form of a catchy tune.

The Teddy Bear's Ransom

In light of the news about a breach of connected teddy bears, I thought a song parody was in order

If you connect a kids toy today
You're in for a big surprise
If you connect a kids toy today
You'll never believe your eyes

For teddy bears recording gagas
Have dumped their loads for certain
Because their maker didn't
Believe in authentication

Hackers stole your voice data
Those little teddy bears gave all of your messages away
Watch them upload unaware
As attackers have a big field day

See your words get ransomed out
And if you ever doubt
That nobody even cared
The makers couldn't be reached to warn them
About the data breach
Of your child's little teddy bear

Every teddy bear that's online
Is some kind of threat today
There's lots of marvelous bits to steal
And somebody always pays

Beneath the fur where nobody sees
A computer uploads to IPs
'Cause that's the way
Connected toys do their business

Hackers stole your voice data
Those little teddy bears gave all of your messages away
Watch them upload unaware
As their makers buy bitcoins to pay

See your words get ransomed out
And if you ever doubt
That nobody even cared
The makers couldn't be reached to warn them
About the data breach
Of your child's little teddy bear

Just in case you don't recognize the tune this is supposed to be a parody of, here's the original:



I wish I had a way to actually record the parody itself, but I haven't yet developed that capability.

Dual Core: All The Things

What better way to start off the week than with some music about hacking?

Home Brewed Insecurity

from here (source image)

Just to be clear, I have no idea if security is the reason this product's Kickstarter campaign got suspended, but on the list of things that have no business being connected to a network, teapots are definitely on the list (it's not like you can pour yourself a tea over the network, you have to be there).

Cyber Here, Cyber There, Cyber Cyber Everywhere

from here

Cyberware, cyberthreats, cybercrime, cyberinsurance, cyberintelligence, cyberdefenses, etc...

Are you tired of the word "cyber" infecting everything? Does your version of CREAM stand for "Cyber Rules Everything Around Me"? If so then just sing this little song, over and over again, gradually increasing in volume until the bad man stops saying "cyber".

It's Cybercalifragilisticexpialidocious,
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious,
If you say out loud enough you'll give me a psychosis,
Cybercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Because I was afraid to speak about the breach we had,
Our PR team then spun the leak using the latest fad
But then one day I learned their words and spewed them like a hose
The strangest words you ever heard and this is how it goes

Oh Cybercalifragilisticexpialidocious,
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious,
If you say out loud enough you'll give me a psychosis,
Cybercalifragilisticexpialidocious

He traveled all around the world and everywhere he went,
He used his word and all would say "His brain's got space for rent",
When presidents and generals require advice from me,
I say my special word and then they pay me a huge fee

Oh Cybercalifragilisticexpialidocious,
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious,
If you say out loud enough you'll give me a psychosis,
Cybercalifragilisticexpialidocious

You know you can say it backwards and summon a two headed hybrid of Bruce Schneier and Marcus Ranum,
But that's going a bit far, don't you think?

So when the cat's out of the bag there's no need for dismay,
Just summon up this word and maybe sprinkle in "0-day",
But better use it carefully as misuses are rife,
For example (Yes?)
One day I said it to a pro and now we're foes for life,
Ow! And they made some wonderful points too

It's Cybercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Cybercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Cybercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Cybercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Of course this is a parody of a Mary Poppins song

This Is The Way To Never Improve

from here

This is the way to never improve,
Never improve,
Never improve,
This is the way to never improve,
Your security posture.

The NSA's Favorite Things

from here (source image one, two, and three and source lyrics)

Thanks to Chris Palmer for tweeting an excellent parody of "My Favorite Things". I found the multi-tweet format was a little awkward, though, so I tried to combine it with some appropriate imagery in a picture that could fit in a single tweet (because that's how all the cool kids are bypassing the 140 character limit these days).

Airport Security Is Brought To You Today By The Numbers 3, 4, 5, and 6

from here (source image)

Thanks to @revrance for tweeting a photo of an airport security door in dire need of maintenance.

All We Want For Breachmas

All we want for Breachmas
is an APT,
an APT,
yeah, an APT!

Gee if we could only have
an APT,
then we could say
"It wasn't our fault"

Well, it looks like Sony's Breachmas wish came true. Not only did Kevin Mandia write them a 'get out of blame, free' card, now the US government is playing along and blaming a nation state that can't even keep the lights on. I guess there won't be any big shake-ups at Sony (at least not because of the compromise itself, though the leaked email contents could still put someone out of a job).

Yes, Breachmas is a portmanteau of breach and Christmas, and the lyrics are a parody of the chorus from the following kid's song

Lets Make Our Own OpenSSL

link to tweet

We aren't at 10 yet, but with LibreSSL and now BoringSSL, we're getting there.

And yes, that is supposed to be a parody of a famous nursery rhyme

NSA vs USA music video

found on boingboing

Who'd have thunk the mass surveillance controversy would inspire a dance music video? If you're like me you'll probably want to read along (as best you can) because the bass frequently overpowers the vocals.

Mr. TSA Man (Coming Into Los Angeles)

Found this on BoingBoing.

Metadata (Hallelujah parody)

Thanks to Glen Greenwald for putting this excellent parody on my radar.

NSA is coming to town

You better watch out
You better not try
To keep a secret
I'm telling you why
NSA is coming to town

They're making watch lists
And checking them twice
Grab your data
As you get off your flight
NSA is coming to town

They hear you when you're speaking
They know how you behave
They know if you click on that link
So don't click for goodness sake

Oh, you better watch out
You better not try
To keep a secret
I'm telling you why
NSA is coming to town
NSA is coming to town

I came up with this back in September, but that was way, way too early for Christmas songs. Also, I can't yet execute on song parodies quite as well as organizations can so good on ya ACLU for coming up with a parallel idea.

The Wizard of DoS

They're 3 bad souls. Oh me, oh my.
They'll steal you stuff, they're none too shy.
But never mind those three,
We're protected as you can see,
Just as long as you click safely,
In this scary land called the World Wide Web.

Oh the World Wide Web is a very scary place,
Where everyone wears a very scary face,
And the sites get pwned with ads,
And no one catches the cads.
In that scary land lives the Wizard of DoS

 this was inspired by a tweet by josh corman quoting anthony bourdain. and if you haven't figured it out, it's a lyrical parody of the theme song from the wizard of oz cartoon

i always feel like obama's watching me

wow, the folks at NMA are really good at song parodies.

it's a cyberwar out there

a recent tweet by eugene kaspersky really inspired me. i came up with this idea. there should be a situation comedy about a security vendor who's a little 'off', not unlike the TV show "Monk", and it should be called "FUD", and it should have the following theme song

It's a cyberwar out there
Govern-mental malware everywhere
No one seems to care
Well I do
HEY, who's in charge here
It's a cyberwar out there
Poisoning the systems that we need
You know what's in the pages that you read?
Well I do
It's a-ma-zing
People think I'm crazy to scan with AV all the time
If you were smart you'd run my AV too
You better pay attention or the devices you love so much
Might just kill you
I could be wrong now
But I don't think so
'Cause it's a cyberwar out there
It's a cyberwar out there

(of course this should be sung to the following tune)

i think this would be way better than that cybergeddon nonsense symantec was doing.