Freaky Friday Jailbird Edition

from here and here

Well here's a new twist on "You've got the wrong guy". I wouldn't want to be the guy left behind, but even worse, I wouldn't want to be the guard who not only failed to see through the impersonation but also failed to recognize it might be a possibility. Authentication by the honour system is not something you should try with criminals.

Doing crimes and having a blast

from here and here

I guess not everyone knows quite how flammable gasoline is, and somebody found out the hard way while doing something they ought not to have done. I wonder if he still hade his eyebrows when the police caught up with him.

Worst Criminal Disguises

Watch on YouTube

Some of these crooks have been seen here before, but some of them are new. That produce bag mask idea was fresh.

And take a bite out of crime

from here and here (image source)

I don't know about you but I would be scared away from any place that had lizards that big hanging all over it. It's way better than any "Beware Of Dog" sign.

Let's review the tape

from here

Surveillance cameras are usually not hidden. Any thief worth their salt should be able to spot them and realize that they'd be captured on film (and later in person by police) if they tried steal from a business equipped with such cameras. Stealing from a business that MAKES them takes a special kind of stupid.

Proof of compromise when you're broke

found on Izismile

If the crook wants to prove they have access they have to do something, and when there's no money in the account, the only way your balance can go is up. 

How not to get away with something

from here and here

This guy who stole his brother's identity only to find out his brother was wanted by the cops is going to have a very interesting family reunion one day.

Don't ask for money if you know they won't play ball

from here

I suppose this criminal might have gotten caught eventually anyways, but drawing attention to himself in order to get a 1 time payout? That was not a smart move

Be careful who you trust

from here and here (image source)

Just as not all heroes wear capes, not all villains wear masks or twirl their mustaches. You can't tell just by looking if someone is trustworthy or not, you have to judge them by their deeds.

Situational Awareness Fail

from here

It's probably a good idea to watch where you're going even if you're not a criminal on the run.

What rhymes with opsec?

found on Acid Cow

Maybe try not broadcasting your illegal exploits for the entire world to hear about.

The sun went down on the going dark problem

from here

I always knew the government had it in them to gather evidence of criminal activity in spite of encrypted communications. They just had to put in the work instead of asking the tech industry for an Easy Button. Now that they've shown they can sell their own backdoored phones to criminals all over the world, read tens of millions of encrypted messages, and make nearly a thousand arrests (with more coming), they better realize they can't leverage their perceived helplessness in negotiations with tech companies any longer. Everyone knows what they're capable of and arguably their approach is better than anything the tech industry can do because it's much more targeted.

No wonder the Mounties always get their man

found on Izismile

Canadian criminals can be so cooperative. Almost makes you wonder how people this intent on following the rules can find themselves breaking the law.

When is a bum rap not a bum rap?

from here

Sometimes I think people would be better off if they left their mobile phones at home. When you're committing a crime seems like one of those times. Barring that, set a passcode on it so that it can't be unlocked with your ass.

Take a bite out of your own crime

from here

Was it some kind of anti-theft sausage? Clearly it had tamper-evident properties.

If only all crooks could give themselves away like that.

The state says gimme gimme

from here

There's some strange logic going on in this bitcoin mining malware case in Germany. The state is laying claim to the bitcoins under the argument that the bitcoins weren't stolen. No of course not, electricity and computing resources were stolen and converted into bitcoins. If I steal a car and convert it into cash does the state keep the cash? Shouldn't the money go back to the victims to compensate them for what was taken?

You're gonna need a hand when the crooks breach that database

from here and here

I really don't think it's a matter of if crooks breach that database, but when. If you build a valuable database they will come, and nothing withstands attackers forever.

It's tricky with politicians

from here and here (source article)

So many of them actually are criminals that it's hard to argue that the technology is wrong, but the key here is that they were misidentified as criminals rather than misclassified as criminals. They are crooks, but not the crooks the tech thinks they are.