Assault with a silent but deadly weapon

found on Dump A Day

Now I'm not saying you shouldn't be punished for launching a gas attack like some malodorous squid squirting out ink, but just that if you do toot, maybe don't make it look intentional

Biometrics, how do they work?

from here and here (image source)

Is this a real mistake that people make? I don't know, but I do know that people do make mistakes with biometrics. Try as we might to make idiot-proof systems, the universe just keeps making bigger and better idiots.

I fart in your general direction

from here and here (source article)

What is the sound of one cheek flapping?

But seriously, it strikes me as grossly unfair that the police can gas you with a chemical weapon while you can't even pass wind at them.

(Thanks to Stewart MacLund for bringing that story to my attention)

If you're guilty and you know it, hold it in

found on Snopes

Sometimes it's important to not draw attention to yourself, to not make yourself into a target. At times like those it's best if you didn't recently eat a large helping of beans.