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| found on Reddit |
Of course it's a Florida man. Isn't it always?
I wonder what would happen if criminals formed their own police force to deal with criminal on criminal crime, so that people like this gentleman would have some place to turn that wouldn't arrest them.
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| source tweet |
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| original tweet |
I would not like a giant dong
I would not like it all day long
I would not like your sketchy pill
I would not like to be made ill
I would not like to slow-rub in
Your creams and lotions from a tin
I would not like to impress men
If my towel falls again
I would not like to stop divorce
By being hung like a stud horse
I would not like to drown my date
In juices meant to impregnate
I would not like to make her gasp
Or have my thing exceed her grasp
I do not like enlargement spam
I do not like it Scam I Am
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| original tweet |
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro’ the house
Not a sound could be heard, ‘cept the click of a mouse;
The browser was open to Facebook, where else?
As friends posted updates about kittens and elves;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of smartphones danc’d in their heads,
And my wife at her laptop, and I at my desk,
Had just settled our brains for a much needed rest —
When out of my speakers there arose such a clatter,
I suspended a chat to see what was the matter.
To a shiny new window I shifted my gaze,
But then it was gone, leaving me in a daze.
The glare of the screen and the whir of the drive,
Made me think I was safe, and my PC alive;
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a dialog box, which just filled me with fear,
With a little old message, so simple and spare,
I knew in a moment it must be malware.
“Your files are hostages, don’t start to doubt,
And you’ll pay us a ransom to get them back out.”
“My Word docs, my e-mails, my photos and Quicken,
appointments and bookmarks and music, all missin’!”
“To Facebook Security, to the search engines too,
I need a solution! Please, someone, come through!”
As soon as it happened, I asked myself why,
And I thought it all through, then I said with a sigh,
“You never did update your browser or Flash,
and you still click on links that offer free cash.
You use anti-virus that’s three years too old,
and you click through the warnings, no matter how bold.”
But now it was too late to beat up myself,
I needed the help of some friendly elf.
And then in a twinkling, I saw in a post
Just what to do if your files were toast.
As I followed directions, my fingers were crossed,
I just hoped and prayed that all was not lost.
An hour passed, and then it was three,
I rebooted again, and my files all were free!
Embarrassed, I posted my tale on my Wall,
to serve as a warning for friends one and all.
“You’re lucky,” said one, “some malware is worse.”
Lucky or not, this stuff is a curse.
So with that I learned a good lesson or two
about patching my software and thinking things through
before clicking on links that just don’t make sense
and backing up files before things get tense.
Now I leave you with this as I turn out my light —
A safe Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
I am the ROR AX. I speak for PCs,
And you can't keep them safe doing whatever you please.
You have to show caution, you have to take care,
Or someday your bank account just won't be there.
Security vendors can talk a good game,
But at eliminating worry they're really quite lame.
Vendors can't stop you from running with scissors,
Or jumping off bridges and into big rivers.
If you're the one hurting your computer's health,
They can't stop that anymore than you hurting yourself.
The same goes for Macs, and Linux systems too.
If it's not you keeping your stuff safe, well then who?
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| from here (image source one, two, three, and four) |
Angry hacker took an axe,never question a hacker with an axe, even if he might better be classified as a cracker without it. you don't want a lizzie borden situation on your hands.
accessed servers in their racks.
When they saw what he had done,
he threatened to burn everyone.
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| from here |
The Gashlycrumb Terrors, by Laura
A is for anthrax, so deadly and white.i don't know who laura is, but this bit of alphabetic poetry is brilliant. do i even a label for security poetry? guess i'll need to add one.
B is for burglars who break in at night.
C is for cars that, with minds of their own,
accelerate suddenly in a school zone.
D is for dynamite lit with a fuse.
E is for everything we have to lose.
F is for foreigners, different and strange.
G is for gangs and the crimes they arrange.
H is for hand lotion, more than three ounces;
pray some brave agent sees it and pounces.
I is for ingenious criminal plans.
J is for jury-rigged pipe-bombs in vans.
K is for kids who would recklessly play
in playgrounds and parks with their friends every day.
L is for lead in our toys and our food.
M is for Mom’s cavalier attitude.
N is for neighbors — you never can tell:
is that a book club or terrorist cell?
O is for ostrich, with head in the sand.
P is for plots to blow up Disneyland.
Q is for those who would question authorities.
R is for radical sects and minorities.
S is for Satanists, who have been seen
giving kids razor blades on Halloween.
T is for terrorists, by definition.
U is for uncensored acts of sedition.
V is for vigilance, our leaders’ tool,
keeping us safe, both at home and at school.
W is for warnings with colors and levels.
X is for x-raying bags at all revels.
Y is for *you*, my dear daughter or son
Z is for Zero! No tolerance! None!
