Close only counts in horseshoes and rolling pins

from here and here (image source)

I've heard that the street finds it's own use for things, but I think it's also good to know how to recognize threats so that you don't risk life and limb rolling dough with a hand grenade. 

Move over porch pirates, here comes the pooch pirate

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Whose a good dog? I hate to say it but not this one. This one is a thief.