Refrigerators had one job

from here

 I can only guess that the people who make refrigeration units never thought they'd need to worry about security, but as soon as you put something on the Internet security becomes critically important.

Can't wait to find out how those will spy on me

from here and here

Oh, sure, the prototype is probably fine, but as soon as it's productized it's going to be "Do you consent to the collection of trouser data to enhance your trouser experience?" Hell no.

Sometimes it's smarter to be dumb

from here and here

When the advice to deal with a vulnerable Internet of Things device is to unplug it (effectively returning you to the dumb way of doing things), that's when you know "smart" isn't worth it.

Gives new meaning to the term "auto theft"

from here and here

Of course there are a number of other scenarios one can imagine with autonomous vehicles operating against the wishes of their owners, and a few of them come from the mind of Stephen King. However, given how car thieves have already adopted technological approaches to stealing cars, I have no doubt this will be one of the first ways crooks exploit this new technology.

Too much faith in technology

from here and here

A networking failure shouldn't cause lights to get stuck in the ON position, and not anticipating those kinds of failures in your design is a pretty good indication that you didn't anticipate malicious misuse either. A good engineer anticipates failure. A good security engineer also anticipates malicious misuse. There are probably a number of security vulnerabilities in the system in addition to this lighting control DoS.

How do you mess up water and detergent that bad?

from here and here

Now, I'll grant you even a dumb washing machine could theoretically short circuit, but this short circuit is apparently controllable with software, which makes me think maybe software shouldn't be involved.

The Internet of $#!+ Paper

from here and here (image source)

I've heard some people like it rough, but I don't think this is what they had in mind.

Your Smart Toaster Is In My Botnet mug

Product Page

This is a cute graphic, though this isn't the best viewing angle. I guess it just provides motivation to move and get a better look at it so you can read the caption under that angry little smart toaster.

The future will be out of date

from here and here

The Internet of Things is going to be unmanageable if we keep building it out of general purpose computers.  If we must have smart devices, we should use special purpose computers with fixed, first order functionality. Not only would updates not be necessary, they wouldn't be possible.

One of the main reasons we use general purpose computers is because their generality allows us to use the same computer for pretty much any application, so we can benefit from an economy of scale by mass producing lots of them knowing we'll find a use for them. I think it might be possible to get similar benefits from special purpose computers used to build a set of fundamental controls - there are only a relatively small number of ways we control the devices around us (ex. toggle switches, dials, etc) and since each of those fundamental control types would be common across a number of different devices, a smaller economy of scale could still be achieved with special purpose computers that drive such controls but with the benefit of lower maintenance than can be achieved with general purpose computers.

You'd never be able to build a toaster that sings to you that way, but why would you want to?

A naked data grab

from here (source article)

I haven't made a secret about my feelings towards the Internet of Shit, but most of the time those connected objects at least provide the user with some compelling reason to use them. Often they give the user some novel feature or make something more convenient.

This scarf doesn't do any of that. It provides no extra functionality to the wearer beyond what a normal scarf would. You don't get to see the data, only some 3rd parties do. The best case scenario is that maybe someone will pay you to wear it, and you better hope they do because by extracting biometric data out of it they are definitely getting something of value in return.

Patch My Ride

found on Izismile

As inconvenient as software updates for your car might be, at least it's better than crashing the car.

That's not what it was called when I did it

from here and here

Unless you've been living under a rock the past several years, you've probably noticed the trend of putting computers into things and calling them smart. Smart phones, smart TVs, smart toothbrushes, etc. Well it turns out that hot tubs are among the things that have become computerized and rather predictably they're not secure. So far the attacks have not involved compromising the hot tubs themselves to run cryptomining malware (hot tub mine machines) but instead the command and control servers run by the manufacturer - which makes me think they should be called bot tubs instead of hot tubs.

Watch out for skid marks on the Internet of Shit

from here and here

Thanks to Rob Rosenberger for using the term "cyber commando" and prompting me to wonder about alternate interpretations. If you're wondering whether smart underwear are real - they are, and it's the most sophisticated technology you've ever pressed against your taint. It does raise some interesting privacy questions, though, especially since it has privileged access to your privates.

It has one job and that's not it

from here and here

Connecting your printer to the Internet, where all the hackers are, seems like a recipe for disaster. It's not like I can install an antivirus or firewall on the printer. Whatever HP (or similar printer company) needs the printer to communicate to their servers they can put into the printer drivers you install on your computer that is already connected to the Internet.

A dark day for the Internet of Things

from here and here

When a smart home company advertises itself as "keeping the lights on", you kind of expect it to not disappear without a trace while it's executives scrub their existence off of LinkedIn. Maybe that's expecting too much, though.The extreme measures they're taking to apparently avoid accountability are probably going to attract the very kind of attention they're hoping to avoid. Congrats on invoking the Streisand Effect, gents.

Who wants to go first?

from here and here (image source)

Something has to be done about our insatiable need to stick computers into things that don't need them. They just wind up spying on us and I don't know about you but that is one place I would rather not be spied upon. 

For Receptacle Use Only

from here and here

I never imagined smart light bulbs could measure biometric properties like body temperature and heart rate. I suppose they must be emitting more than just visible light... at least I hope that's how it works. 

The problem now is how can you tell if someone else is using such a bulb and measuring your biometrics without your knowledge or consent?

What could possibly go wrong?

from here and here (source article)

So now that COVID-19 tests are Bluetooth enabled (with all the consequences that come with that), when you get a positive result you have to wonder - Are you sick, or is your device sick? 

Look at me, I'm the adblocker now

from here and here (source tweet)

If you're technical enough you might be able to save your expensive smart TV from the clutches of advertisers, but I tend to think it will be easier for most people to just download their TV shows from the Internet, and then what's the point of paying for a fancy smart TV? Viewers are going to take whatever path gives them the better user experience, and filling the top half of a navigation screen with ads is not a good user experience.

Unfortunately, that solution only works for smart TVs. It's not going to save you from ads on smart fridges or other smart devices. The Internet of Shit is rapidly becoming the Internet of Shitty Ad Players.

Cyberweapon Go Brrr

from here and here (image source)

Not everything needs to be made into a smart device, and arguably some things definitely shouldn't. App-enabled handguns seem like a terrible idea.

What features do you suppose the electronics in this handgun actually implement and what do you suppose the consequences are if the battery dies in the middle of operation, or if the function falls under the control of a malicious remote individual? I wouldn't count on good outcomes in either situation.