The cloud was too wet for the file server

from here and here

Don't worry, I've got the decryption shovel right here. Decryption using a key? That would take forever.

Just following instructions

from here

You know there are people out there who did exactly this. The experts all say they shouldn't be using "password" as a password, and that people should use a passphrase instead of a password, so it doesn't take much to combine those two pieces of advice in the wrong way.

Do you think the curtains could act like a mask?

from here

Tech support scammers kind of depend on technologically impaired victims, but I imagine with the increased public awareness of contagions and their countermeasures they must be getting an uptick in weird questions.

Security so bad you'll see stars

from here

If you're counting on attackers being dumb enough to think cracking your password didn't work because it looks the same as when you're typing it into a password field, you're in for a rude awakening.

Social Media Distancing

from here

But ducks don't have that many feet.

No one seems to be breaking that one anymore

from here

I'm just going to put this out there - some developers are going to see the headlines about SHA1 and shy away from it, but one of the easy alternatives to SHA1 is MD5 and without headlines telling them not to use that one either guess what's going to happen...

Maybe do it overnight

from here

I wonder what other misinterpretations a technologically impaired user could come up with for common security jargon.

I think it needs a DLL injection

found on I Can Has Cheezburger Animals

I wonder if anyone has ever set up shop installing/updating people's antivirus software - literally a clinic you take your computer to for it's shots.

When soap and water aren't enough to clean a PC

from here

If there isn't already a partnership of some sort between Purell and an antivirus vendor, someone is missing an incredible opportunity.

And CRC32 is great for digital signatures

from here

The stupid, it burns!

But seriously, there are real developers out there using BASE64 encoding as though it were encryption, and it is cringe-inducing.

When you need your computer to be "Extra Safe"

from here

Apparently "Extra Safe" is the name of one of Durex's product lines.

Reel Security

from here

Frequently when I hear someone say "AV" outside of the security field they're talking about Audio-Visual not Anti-Virus. The same thing happens surprisingly often within the security field. The worst is when they're talking about the audio-visual team at an anti-virus conference. I can only imagine how confusing this is to people who aren't as familiar with computer security.

The most unhackable man in the world

from here

I don't know why they would put someone who's never used a computer in charge of cybersecurity, but I can't imagine it's going to end well.

The lowest common denominator in tech

from here

All other things being equal, the division between those who've added 2 factor authentication to their log ons and those who have not is rooted in a number of complex problems.

Sorry, the math puns just kept multiplying.

Clear out the DVD burner while you're at it

found on Pinterest

Technically, without the firewall there's an increased chance your computer will become host to unwelcome code that uses up more computing resources than you normally would, which by extension would make your computer slightly warmer than it otherwise would have been.

A bit of knowledge doesn't always go a long way

from here

It must be tough for ransomware makers to have to explain cryptocurrency to their technologically impaired victims. Good. They deserve that suffering at the very least.

Why haven't we grown out of this yet?

found on Memes Happen

I witnessed this very thing at work last week. I pointed out that it was a cliche, but I don't think that was appreciated. This pattern has been going on for decades, though. In fact, this is how I developed an interest in viruses nearly 30 years ago.

Do you want to play a game?

from here

Never underestimate the unusual ways that people view security concepts. Each person sees the world the the lens of their own unique experiences. Sometimes that isn't helping them and you point them down the correct path, but sometimes you might be the one with the crazy ideas and they're trying to set you straight.

Spying on yourself

found on Chuckles Network

Having spyware on your system would certainly make it an asset, but not in a 007 sort of way. More like a you've been owned sort of way.

And watch smoke come out of security peoples ears

from here

Firewalls don't make your computer hot, there's no flaming wall inside your computer you can turn on and off like a desk lamp.