EICAR? Never Heard Of It

from here

I know it can be confusing trying to tell the difference, but the EICAR standard anti-malware test file can certainly help you get a handle on what a legit warning looks like. Just download it (or try) and let your antivirus do the rest.

The Not So Stealth Car

found on the meta picture

There's a heck of a lot more to blending in than just having green and brown blobs of paint. If you're not mindful of your surroundings you'll do the opposite of blending in - you'll stand out.

Beat Most Email Phishers With This One Weird Trick

from here

Yes, I'm using a click-bait tactic to promote an anti-phishing technique.

There's A Sucker Born Every Minute

found on geekologie

I suppose if you feel you can get away with being a grown ass man (or woman) who sucks their thumb while wearing mittens, then this hidden flask idea might be right up your alley. I'm not sure how practical it is, though, but it is apparently a real thing that you can buy here.

No Cookies For You With That Potty Mouth

from here and here

You've probably heard of full disk encryption - and that's certainly a great protection if your entire computer goes missing, but so long as you're operating the computer normally, that drive is basically unencrypted.

Too Polite For Our Own Good

found on the meta picture

I've never seen these signs myself, but I have heard warnings about letting people tailgate behind you into your building or office which is basically the same warning as above. I've also gotten into places by using precisely that method. We really do need to keep our niceness in check up here in Canada, it seems.

Seems Secure

from here (source image)

Doesn't it seem like it's about time someone came up with this variation on "Seems Legit"?

Always Intrusive, Never Conducive

found on google image search

Look at that - ads on even the earliest tablets.

I Bet It Protects His Lungs From Dangerous Air Too

from here (source image)

Putting plastic over your face doesn't strike me as a great way to protect your ongoing state of wellness, but I guess that's more than he's doing for his toes.

That's No Shield

found on cheezburger

I couldn't resist this one. What could they possibly have been thinking? He's basically holding up a bag of AIR to protect himself from a flying kick. How could that possibly work?

Password123... Er, I Mean 4

from here

What? Who, Me? Nah, I would never use a password like that, but I can see how adding 1 each time your password 'expires' might start to seem like a good option to people fed up by changing their password every 90 days. It's 1 step up from cycling through the minimum number of passwords necessary in order to get back to using your original one.

Bottoms Up And See You On The Other Side Of The Curtain

found on the art of trolling

It's probably harmless, but I was never interested enough in free drinks that I'd risk it to find out. Some people are, though, and some people probably didn't even read the line that said:

organ harvesting scam

Are You Sure You Wanna Be Like Them?

from here

Thanks to InfoSec Taylor Swift for drawing my attention to an example of "Military Grade" being used by marketing in the wild (and for being coy about it who it was).

Frankly, if the military were all they're cracked up to be I'd kind of expect them to be using AES, but that bit strength (448 bit encryption) sounds more Blowfish, which wasn't even one of the AES contenders (Twofish was, though).

These Bars Can't Hold Me

The basic idea behind any barrier is to control access. You're not supposed to be able to come and go as you please, but I don't think they thought that through in this case. Of course it may not be very long before before the baby rhino is too big to do that.

16 Characters Ought To Be Enough For Anybody

from here

Microsoft really needs to stop imposing ridiculous limits on things.

Not The Way Privacy Works

found on cheezburger

On the one hand, I do believe one has to put in effort to protect oneself. On the other hand, it’s unreasonable to expect people to protect themselves against certain things, like having your personal, private property stolen and shared with the world, or having your junk kicked unexpectedly.

Impersonate All The Banks!

from here

Thanks to the scammers who send me ridiculous emails.

Being A Whistleblower Blows

found on the meta picture

What is it with the United States and whistle blowers? The incentives are so perverse you'd almost think the authorities didn't want to hear about corruption and abuse among their ranks.

Who Needs Antivirus?

from here

Inspired by a Slashdot user (who reminds me of why I give Slashdot a wide berth).

Sk8ters Want Security Too

found on the meta picture

I've seen bike parking before but this is the first I've every heard of skateboard parking. I can't help but think you could simply remove one of the trucks and slide this thing out. Don’t most people just put these things in their locker (or carry them from class to class)? That's what I did when I was that age.

Can't Wait For The Smart Watch Version

from here (source image)

I gather this "privacy scarf" was a real (although perhaps not successful) product. not sure if you can still get them though.

The Only Way To Avoid Becoming Old And Busted

tweeted by @SwiftOnSecurity

Thanks to @SwiftOnSecurity for tweeting this cartoon about the importance of keeping your software up to date. The older software gets, the easier it is to use it to break into a system.

How To Tell If You're A Security Idiot

from here (source article)

I'm trying something a little different with the security idiot meme. I'm hoping encapsulating the joke in a picture makes it more effective when shared online.

Craziest Things Found By Airport Security

I have to admit, some of the things people try to get past airport security are pretty surreal. Not quite as surreal as the fact that airport security will also confiscate entirely benign and banal things like cupcakes though.

Smear On More Security

from here (source image)

I don't understand how fingerprint biometrics have become so popular. Doesn't anyone watch crime dramas on TV?

Good Advice Until Everyone Follows It

found on the chive

If this ever caught on as a security improvement, I suspect it wouldn't be a hindrance to guessing so much as a hindrance to typing the blasted thing in. Attackers could probably guess but what a pain in the ass trying to find and enter those special characters.

I Guess The Friendly Skies Weren't Friendly Enough

from here (source image)

I know people want their privacy, but they need to do more than lift their left ass cheek in order to find it.

I Expected A Better Disguise

found on the meta picture

Her Majesty's Secret Service really needs to step up their efforts to blend in.

Well Perhaps In Certain Areas

from here (source image)

I suppose there are areas, or perhaps bands, where 100% of the UV spectrum actually is blocked - however, there are also gaping holes where light can go through unimpeded. This is pretty much the case with all claims of 100% protection - there's always a way around that they didn't think of.

How To Make Facial Recognition Systems Cry

found on the meta picture

If you want to foil facial biometrics, you could go with this KISS approach or you could go with an approach more in keeping with the KISS principle and simply wear a hat and sunglasses.

What Is This, A Password Policy For Machines?

from here (source image)

Thanks to @idiot for tweeting the original screen shot from an account creation page somewhere. I'm a programmer but even I know better than to show regex to the user.

Can The Government See Your Dick Pics?

So, can the government see your dick pics? The answer is yes, yes they can, and they do, and they pass them around amongst themselves. Same goes for any other naked body parts you happen to be snapping pics of.

Leave it to John Oliver to find the key issue that everyone can rally behind against mass surveillance run amok. Uncle Sam is basically a sex offender.

For some helpful transcriptions of Edward Snowden's answers about various programs' access to your dick pics, see CanTheySeeMyDick.com.

Thanks For Playing Scammer, Try Again

from here

Yes, it's true, I not only use a unique password on each site, I use unique email addresses too. It makes it much easier to tell when a seemingly official email notification isn't legitimate.

Lions Save Kidnapped Girl

found on the meta picture

Those who prey on the weak should know that there's always a bigger, better, scarier predator out there (whether you're kidnapping young girls in Ethiopia or collecting stolen card data on vulnerable C&C server).

Who Needs A Calendar Reminder?

from here

This is the true story of how I remembered I needed to do my taxes. Thanks for the reminder, scammers.

What Do You Call A Shark Pretending To Be Friendly?

That's pretty amazing footage, and I can tell you right now you'd never catch me trying that. That's got to fall under the "too good to be true" category.

So, what do you call a shark pretending to be friendly? That's easy - "disarming".

Router Kitty Stands Firm On Firmware

from here

You may not be aware of this but your router is a little computer, and it needs software updates just like every other computer.

Outside The Box Protection Technique?

found on the meta picture

Those people may be protected from the lions' teeth and claws, but not from their urine or feces as near as I can tell - and that is what security people do - they think of the things that can go wrong that nobody else considered.

APT Naming

from here and here

I always suspected we were getting trolled by the vendors naming these APT groups. With names like "Volatile Cedar", I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that way.

An Evil Plan?

found on the meta picture

As evil plans go, wifi denial of service doesn't really seem that all that sinister. Quite well suited to April Fools Day, though.